When we were schoolkids and they used to have those terrible school disco's ,or youth club disco's everybody used to sit around the walls watching the girls dancing ,nobody had the bottle to go near one of them. Then the last dance'd come up. There was a time when that last record at any disco ,without fail was "Je t'aime", still to my mind the horniest record ever made. In that 3 minutes you had to get up there drag them screaming and kicking onto the dancefloor ;Introduce yourself ,charm them ,you weren't interested in what they had to say as there wasn't time to do all this ,'cos you had to get a sloppy snog in before the lights were turned on and you went out to get your lift off your dad.....Ah happy wild crazy days!!!!.
A year or so further on and we were underage drinkers in the local boozers. Again we were sitting around the walls ,not looking at women, but at a big pool table in the middle of the pub. You had the table itself and then the players whizzing around in variable orbits around the the green baize and beer stained pool table concenterating on their world championship shots ,because in those long gone halcyon days the snooker was on the telly all the time. The players were as famous as todays chefs and antique dealers .Yes! They were that famous!....The pool players in scabby jeans and tee shirts ,all good gaudy 70's fashions ,colours ,collars and flares and even platform two tone shoes . In other words absolutly F**K'in horrible. They imagined they looked dead smart ,as for that matter did we all ,we put a lot of effort into looking like absolute knobheads in those days, even as far as centre parted blowdryed hair.... Just go and find some photos of that time and i defy you not to fall to the floor in tears of belated embarressment. But the pool players imagined the snooker black waistcoats etc as they swung these bloody great ques around as they lined up for their shots . There were times you would go to have a slurp of your pint to be thwacked over the head by the butt of a unweildy que. In addition a good spin shot would cause a ball to fly off the table and on occassions land plop squarely in your pint splashing beer all over you with this bloody pool ball stuck in the pint glass. They were a bastard to get out as well.
There was often trouble at the bar as ,funnily enough when people go to the pub ,they buy beer at the bar, strange ,but true. What tends to happen is people queue and congregate about the bar and are nudged and poked by our Que -tipped pool wizard. The hardened bar drinkers get knocked into each other which is fair enough, but when that comes at the cost of spilt drink ,we are talking serious shit here, boys. I remember the odd good natured bar room brawl erupting as the regulars thouroughly pissed off with the scallies at the pool table let their displeasure known. And there is nobody better at letting their displeasure known than a disgruntled pissed off and occassionally pissed pub regular, because as far as they're concerned ,maybe not everyone else may agree ,but they know they rule this bar and have rights due to all the time and money they've spent there ,etc,etc....
I dont know if its my imagination, or just i haven't played a game of pool in half a lifetime ,but those dreaded green baize tables dont seem to be as numerous or as popular in the sadly depleted number of watering holes in our fair land.Do they still have school disco's with pop?