THERE I WAS WALKING THE DOG AND IT GOT SUCKED UP INTO THE JET TURBINES OF A 747 JUMBO JET SCREAMING UP THE HIGH STREET.

Years ago in Hong Kong ,apparently when aircraft were flying into 'the old airport' ,these huge Jumbo jets would swoop in over the harbour and fly towards a mountain. The route they took ,took them between the cities appartment blocks ,people were leaning from their balconies looking down on a bloody 'jumbo'jet flying past their building,below them! with their wingtips mere inches away from the living room windows .And not much further below was streets filled with traders ,market stalls and shoppers. Apparently at the end of this man made chasm was a hi-tech boulder painted with a white cross. When the pilot saw the cross ,it was full-on 'hard -a-port' for the approach to the runway .So ,this massive plane with its straining sweating pilot ,with such a tight turn the wings trailing laundry hooked from outside the appartments to dry,were almost vertical. Totally insane, but it must've been amazing.

I'll bet you thought that spirit of adventure and danger was gone ,but you'd be wrong. Every airport on the planet is built somewhere 'safe'. No danger to anyone around .But .not us ! We're British! And we don't do things the easy way. Theres been a lot of fuss lately about how our beloved goverment, in conjunction with the British Airport Authority, n' British Air this n' that have hidden plans for various runways and alterations to good ol' Heathrow. The plans for Runway 3 are a wonderful example of the fine work the maniacs who make our decisions for us are doing.

The flights would swoop in over the 'safety zone',the approach to the actual runway .In this case the 'Safety zone?' just happens to be that mass of ,junctions ,overpasses, underpasses and the labyrinths of roads that is the junction of two of the busiest motorways in the land. So, when your sitting in one of the 'jams' ,that the M25 has ,on occassions . Try not to get too alarmed when you glance out of your window to see a 747 howling towards you. Don't dive down ,or you'll get a gear stick in your gob. But you'll get a good view of the undercarriage tyre tread scraping across your sun roof. And then ,if you were too paralysed by fear to take the experiance all in ,the first time ,just hang on for a mere 60 seconds (the 'jams' do tend to last a bit longer than that.) for the next one to come howling(hopefully)over you.

Then we have the other end of the runway, were the planes fly over a little town and have to pull hard on their joysticks to get the plane up n' over a church steeple which was foolishly built long ago ,directly on the take off path of runway 3. This must be wonderful for the locals having to duck every 60 seconds as a 747 comes screaming up the main street .Theres a danger of pets ,small children and little ol' ladies being sucked up into the jet turbines. Also it could prove nasty for WH Smith customers, as the store is at the bottom of the street .The customers will have to time their entering and leaving between flights.

Who sez flyings dangerous, it's staying on the ground thats dangerous.